


Hurt

by inaflorian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 12:22:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12531268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaflorian/pseuds/inaflorian
Summary: Erwin's death hurts Levi. Until it doesn't have to.





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Johnny Cash's Hurt is the most Erwin Smith song I've ever heard but I couldn't bear writing about Erwin's pain so I'm stuck with Levi's.

My whole world was spinning. I couldn’t see anything but him. His greying skin, the way it turned colour when his breathing slowed down, when his heart stopped. His face, the way it went slack and still, the way the pain disappeared from the lines at the corners of his eyes, the way his lips turned purple and thin, the way his lids started to creep open when there were no dreams behind them any longer.

I wanted so much in that moment. I wanted to be close to him; to cradle him in my arms, to ease his loneliness in the journey away from us. I wanted to soothe his pain; I wanted to hold his hand in mine, link our fingers, get back a phantom squeeze to soothe mine.

I wanted him. I just wanted him so much. More than I had ever allowed myself to want him before. It was a desperate yearning for something I was losing, something I had denied myself, something I knew he had never seriously considered for my sake and for the sake of his own purpose.

But I didn’t want him to hurt. Not even when he was gone. I didn’t want to give myself a relief by touching him, I wanted to honour what we had between us, what we both knew was there. I didn’t want to steal anything from him now that he was gone. I didn’t want to have something he couldn’t return in kind because I know he would have wanted to.

And so I didn’t. And it hurt me; the need to have him near me, to touch his skin… it drove me mad most of the times. I would stay awake not to dream of his touch, I would drive myself to exhaustion until I would allow myself to drift off and every time I would wake up from his arms, cheating him and his memory. I could not escape Erwin, the fantasy of him.

Until one morning I didn’t have to.

I was right there, back in the body that wasn’t broken any longer, in his arms, our skin touching everywhere, our breaths mingling as we woke up from our early morning slumber. He stroked my hair, caressed my cheek and took a hold of my hand, placing it on his warm chest.

“You can touch me now, Levi.”


End file.
